Hiatus

I think I'm supposed to post this type of message BEFORE taking a break. Whoops. Sorry about that.

Summer has been busy, productive, and enjoyable. I haven't gone sailing yet, though. Logistics and scheduling have combined to keep me off the water. I'm hoping to resolve this VERY SERIOUS ISSUE by the coming weekend. Wish me luck!

Oh, and I'll be resuming posting here, soon.

Hope your summer is going well.

Conflict

What should one do when faced with conflicting actions/requests/feelings about honoring a request to remain out of touch with someone who requested space and time to deal with some personal stuff? The request was unambiguous; yet, I'm genuinely struggling with honoring it at times, for reasons that must be left unsaid. Wish I could provide more details, but as with my recent posts, I can't.

My thoughts resent their imprisonment.

Rudderlessly Navigating a Bad Situation

It's been an interesting week. I received an email and a phone call that I can safely say that most people will never receive in their lives. The matter is personal, so I'm not going to go into details about it. Suffice it to say that there are times when people can let their strong emotions override their natural sense of caution, and the results can be painful, even if there was no intention to cause any hurt.

The worst part of this situation is that I can't do anything to change the situation in the present. I am adrift on the ocean with a broken rudder and no radio, though I have a few empty bottles and some scraps of paper. All I can do is wait to see where the currents will take me, periodically toss some bottled messages into the sea, and hope that I reach my uncertain destination without encountering too many more squalls.

For what it's worth, I don't regret getting on the boat, and I am not afraid of the unwritten future. I do wish that I hadn't hurt anyone along the way. Lesson learned.

Update:

What I find most frustrating about this predicament is that I can't disclose any of the details about it unless I disclose all of them. The story only makes sense when read in its entirety, particularly with regard to the chronology of events. And I'm not willing to openly write about any of it yet, because it's not right for me to make that call on my own.

So, for now, and for the indeterminate future, I am stuck in the Snidely Whiplash role. I can deal with that; I know it's not true, and I'd rather appear to be the villain than disclose anything without consent from someone about whom I care deeply.

Update 2:

I've been thinking about the event that provoked this post. I'm now having an internal debate about whether or not empathizing with someone who is feeling hurt about a situation where this person's behavior is a major causative factor, enables them to escape any acceptance of responsibility for their actions. I'm a decent person, flaws and all, and my natural response is to apologize for any perceived role I play in another person's emotional pain. Yet, I find myself wondering if that was the right thing to do. When in doubt, I prefer to err on the side of empathy, but in this case, I am not sure if it was the best thing to do.

Said another way, some of my recent actions, despite not being directed in any way at the person in question, could be legitimately viewed as callous and hurtful to them. However, that person bears most of the responsibility for being in a position where my actions would have any reason to exist. For example: What if I were to see someone holding a cup of hot coffee while excitedly gesticulating their hands and arms in a crowded room? If I then observed that they were about to carelessly spill their coffee on a person next to them, and I were to abruptly pull the potential victim out of the way, I could end up hurting the coffee drinker. I would be sorry about causing them pain, but that would not give them an excuse for putting the person next to them at risk for being burned. If they had been more careful and aware of their actions while holding that cup of coffee, I wouldn't have gotten involved.

I know this sounds like I am trying to avoid owning up to my role in the mess that led to my writing this post, but I assure you that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm seriously pondering whether or not there are some things where an apology is unwarranted, or even harmful. That statement feels inherently wrong to me, but it seems to have some validity in certain situations. Hence, my internal debate.

I'm a bad Blog Owner

I know I should be taking better care of this nice blog, but life continues to be busy. Actually, this past week, the issue has been more about being sick AND being busy. The two are not a winning combo for writing anything interesting. Thinking positively, although I haven't been able to put words onto pages, I have been able to process a lot of writing topics in my mind (mainly on the train to/from work), so I am hoping to get a few hours of writing done in the near future. Near may not mean what either you or I would like it to mean, but I am trying. There is much to say.

In other news, I've always loved the color red, and recently gained yet another reason to which I can point when someone asks me why I like it so much. Red remains beautiful, vibrant, flashy, and energetic; that won't change. However, red is now a color that will remind me of thoughts voiced through richly written words to which I cannot currently respond.

Voiceless, I shall now head outside to enjoy the perfect spring afternoon. I hope you are enjoying it, wherever you are.

Gray Day Inside with a Cold

Bleah. I'm stuck inside today, on day number two of a cold. At least it's not a nice day outside; if it were sunny, I'd feel like the day was wasted somehow, especially when it comes to the items on my to-do list that are weather-dependent. Then again, gray, damp, cool days are wonderful for walking in the woods.

I love the muted sounds of the forest in the rain. It seems quieter overall, but there are so many different subtle water sounds to experience. Drips, whispers, gurgles, and splashes fill the air with the gentle tension between inherently dissonant tones that somehow blend to form a relaxing, celebratory symphony of water.

Dinner!

Here's the attractive part of dinner tonight; the fish doesn't feel like posing. Anyway, it's arugula, roasted beets, goat cheese, and pine nuts. Dressing is a store-bought poppy seed dressing that magically tastes good on almost anything. I need to figure out how to make something like it from scratch, but until then, this is a favorite.

Mmm. Liberal salad. Time to munch!

(Note to self: Need a better camera phone; how, exactly, is half of the salad in focus?)

A Letter

I'm back from my Arizona trip (more on that later), so I stopped by the Post Office to pick up my mail. In my box, I found a letter that left me speechless and full of a melancholy mix of feelings ranging from happiness to relief to longing. I'll be writing extensively about its contents and how they are affecting me, but for now, I will say this: If I ever have to abandon my home on short notice for some reason, this letter will be in my hands as I go out the door. It's that good.